PAINS AND JOYS

SORROWS AND JOYS

Author: by Ilaria
Timeframe: Clone Wars, AU
Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Anakin, OC.
Genre: general, angst.
Pairing: Obi-Wan/OC, Anakin/Padmé)
Rating: PG
Summary: As the Clones Wars begin, Qui-Gon, his= son Obi-Wan and Padawan Anakin must face new danger= s and cope with different kinds of events, both sad and happy. Companion story to THE JEDI AND THE SITH and A SITH AMONG THE JEDI.

Author’s Notes: this is dedicated to all tho= se readers who asked for a Clone War story involving Qui-= Gon, Sith Obi-Wan and Anakin. However, I must alert = you won’t find any detailed account of battles or war actions here, because I have decided to explore this part of the “canon” in a different way.=

The brutality and the dangers of the Clone Wars ha= ve been featured in the novels, in the comics, in the cartoons and in other fans’ stories. I found unnecessary to write more about it. Instead I chose to concentrate on the feelings of the people left behind, the ones watching their dear ones leave for the battlefront without knowing if they = will see them again.

This story also assumes that you have = seen “Attack Of The Clones” and that all = scenes not
specifically altered herein, occurred as they were depicted in that movie. = It also assumes you basically know what happened on Jabii= m (Obi-Wan was captured and tortured by Asajj Ventress and reputed dead for more than a month).

In this AU, I anticipated the battle o= f Jabiim, making it happen about 5 months after the beg= inning of the wars instead of the canon 15 months, to make it suit my purposes for this story.

EXCERPTS FROM THE AUDIO JOURNAL OF QUI-GON JINN, JEDI MASTER

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:4

I have never been especially fond of celebrating my naming day.

For most of my life I have considered = it just another day, which does not need to be remembered to remind me I am ge= tting a year older. All I need to do to notice the slow passing time is to take a look at the mirror as I trim my beard.&nbs= p; My hair is now almost completely grey and the lines on my face are deeper.

However today, on my 70^th naming day, something happened that will make this day stand out in my memo= ry for the rest of my life. Something that required a big celebration, even if= it had nothing to do with the fact I am now a year older.

Today Obi-Wan and Lianne have informed me I am going to become a grandfather.

I confess I did not know how to react = in the beginning. I was aware, of course, that my son and his wife had been tr= ying to conceive a child since Lianne was promoted t= o an administrative job and started living on Coruscant on permanent basis. Obi-Wan had told me months ago, but somehow I had perceive= d it as a distant occurrence, as if it was something that would not touch me.

So when I was informed this morning, I could only stare at the two faces smiling proudly at me, until the moment I completely discarded my Jedi master’s composure and I embraced both of them, first Lianne, then Obi-Wan.

A child!

Obi-Wan is = going to become a father…and I am going to be a grandfather.

I am awed…overjoyed. I feel like= the day Lydah Kenobi informed me she was carrying my child—but this is even better. Because I know this child, this little Kenobi, will not risk being cast away from the Jedi Temple as Obi-Wan was and end up in the hands of a brutal Sith master.

This little one will grow up with a lo= ving mother, a stern but doting father and grandfather ready to indulge him or h= er. I am also sure that, once he recovers from his stupor, Anakin too will be p= art of the little one’s life. He will probably teach him or her all those things that drive Obi-Wan mad, such as messing with his precious leather-bo= und books or leaving the carpet in the living room covered with mechanical spare part and oil stains. Oh yes, I can already picture it.

However I cannot help but think what w= ill happen if this child is Force sensitive, something very probable given Obi-= Wan’s extremely high midi-= chlorians count.

What will my son and Lianne decide to do then? Will they give the child to the Temple to be trained? Will he be a Sith? = A Jedi? Or a mix between the two, as I now believe Obi-Wan is?

Ten years spent living, working and teaching among the Jedi have tempered some of my son’s harsher traits= . I doubt he would ever again Force choke someone to obtain information or something he wants. And I am sure he will never even think to use the whip = on his child as was done to him.

But as for the rest, he is still a Sith. He holds on his emot= ions. He draws from the Dark Side when he fights. He lies with ease when it is necessary. He does not have too many scruples about the methods he uses to accomplish a mission, even if, of course, he never does anything illegal.

This is the Sith’s way and I have come to accept it, = as all the rest of the Order did.

Obi-Wan’s value is recognized by everyone, but what if he asks to have his child admi= tted in the Order? Will the Council allow him to train his little one in the Sith ways, or they will pr= etend there is no attachment between him and his baby? Will they bend the rules or they will be as rigid, as they were 35 years ago?

I am running ahead of myself. It is useless to think so far ahead and worry about things that might never happe= n. It is best to think only about the present.

I am going to be a grandfather.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:4

Yesterday’s joy seems already a = distant memory, as the harsh reality threatens to crash over us, and to precipitate= the Republic into a war.

The Confederacy of the Independent Systems, the CIS, is becoming more powerful and daring with each passing da= y. More and more star systems choose to join the Separatist ranks and the Supr= eme Chancellor seems unable to stop the flood.

Palpatine has sworn he won’t allow the Republic to fall into pieces, bu= t I don’t really know how he will be able to do it.

The Jedi and the diplomatic corps have been working frenetically to find a peaceful solution to the crisis, but now several parties in the Senate are pressing for a more resolute action. They insist for the creation of a Republican Army, without realizing that such an act won’t bring back the secessionist systems. It will only bring an escalation of the hostilities, and to a war whose consequences are unimaginable.

A war!

For twenty-five thousand years the Jed= i – later joined by the Sith – have protected the Republic, ensuring peace and order. There has ne= ver been any need for an army before, and the Jedi Order is firmly against its creation. Even the Grey Order, whose training is more m= ilitary-oriented is against it and the prospect of a war. And yet there are already rumours claiming that the members of two orders will be asked to act as field commanders should the Senate approve the Military Creation Act that will be voted in a few days.

What saddens me more in all this matte= r is that the man who leads the Separatists, the man I might soon come to refer = to as “the enemy”, is the man who taught me to be a Jedi.<= /span>

My former master, = Dooku. Count of Serenno.

I have never understood why he left the Jedi Order.

I remember he told me he felt the Repu= blic was corrupted, and that he no longer believed in it.

Back then, I thought that leaving when= the Jedi’s work was even more necessary, was a= n easy – even coward – way out. I believed he should have remained and operated to eliminate the corruption he so despised.

I reasoned like the idealist he had ta= ught me to be, but in the end I accepted his decision and let him go. I mourned the loss of my mentor and friend, one of the few persons who had know about Obi-Wan and my pain about losing my son.

I have always remembered him fondly, o= ften stopping to contemplate his bust in the Archives, as I walked along the sta= tues of The Lost Twenty.

All of this changed two years ago, whe= n Dooku reappeared on Raxus= Prime, criticizing and denouncing the Republic, the Jedi and the Sith. He accused us of being corrupted and hypocrital.

I could accept the accusations moved toward the Republic—I too have sensed the corruption spreading like cancer in the Senate and in the lower offices-- but I could not forgive him= for what he said about the Jedi. And I cannot forgive him for what is happening because of him.

The Council thinks Dooku is just an idealistic, perhaps misguided, politician, and that, as a former= Jedi, he will never commit a major offensive action against the Republic.

I am not as sure about this.

I knew my former master very well, and= I can tell the man I am seeing and listening to nowadays is not the one I use= d to be friends with. There is something different in him, something darker. I c= an feel it.

I have talked about this with Yoda, but the only answer I got was not to allow my feelings to cloud my judgement.

I meditated on the advice I was given,= and searched inside myself for any lingering resentment against my former maste= r, but I found none. Whatever is causing my uneasiness, it is not rooted into = my past relationship with Dooku.=

I have discussed this matter with Obi-= Wan too, and my son agrees with me. He does not trust Dook= u and his supposed former Jedi’s ethic. He feels there is something mor= e at work than what is seen under the light.

My son has been telling me for quite s= ome time he can sense the darkness grow in the Republic. <= o:p>

He calls it an elusive feeling –= he likes that word, elusive – whose origins he cannot pinpoint, but he k= nows it is real.

He told me again this afternoon, and h= is still boyish face, the face that only yesterday beamed with happiness and pride, looked older when he confessed to me he was not sure it had been a g= ood idea to conceive a child just now, for he worries about the galaxy his son = will be born into.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:7

This morning we were given a new assignment.

Obi-Wan, Anakin and I will have to pro= tect a senator who has been victim of several life-attempts, the last one only yesterday. The ramp of her shuttle exploded just after it had been lowered, causing the death of her bodyguard and decoy.

The senator in question is Padmé Amidala Naberrie, the former queen of Na= boo we knew during the Trade Federation crisis. She is one of the founding memb= ers of the Loyalist Committee and one of the most adamant opponents of the Mili= tary Creation Act.

According to our intelligence, the att= acks against her person were ordered by the disgruntled spice miners on the moon= s of Naboo, but the senator thinks there is Dooku’s hand behind them.

Obi-Wan tends to agree with her while I, despite all the doubts and concerns I harbour regar= ding my former master, hope they are wrong.

Whatever the case, we are scheduled to meet with Senator Amidala within an hour, to de= cide with her and her security forces how to best protect her.=

Coruscant= , Senator Amidala’s Apartments, 13= :5:7- late evening

We are in Senator’s Amidala apartments, guarding the place as she rests. Obi-Wan, Anakin and I have decided to takes turns, and I should have been sleeping, but there is too much going trough my mind to allow me to slumber= .

First of all there is the attraction Anakin feels for the senator.

I knew that Anakin had been smitten by= Padmé when he saw her as a child, but I have a= lways thought that juvenile crush had died along the years, or, at least that his childish dreams would disappear once confronted with reality.

It was not so. Senator Amidala has changed very little since the last time we saw her, and now the age gap between them is not as evident as it was ten years ago. <= /p>

I cannot deny she is a very beautiful young woman, intelligent, charming and strong willed, and I can understand = why Anakin is so taken by her—but I cannot approve of it.

However, I might be worrying for nothi= ng. I trust Anakin. He has always been a dedicated Padawan= and I am confident he will do the right thing should the time to make a cho= ice come. He has never let me down before, and I know one day he will make a fi= ne knight. He will be as wise as he is powerful, and then he will really be our Chosen One.

No, Anakin’s infatuation is not = that worrying, now that I ponder the matter more. Much more disturbing is the st= rain between him and Obi-Wan.

Their relationship has been deteriorat= ing for the past year, and they have started clashing more and more frequently.=

My son claims Anakin is too impulsive = and arrogant, too sure of his powers and unwilling to listen to his teachings. = My Padawan, instead, accuses Obi-Wan to be too unbending, strict and that he is trying to hold him back for he is envious of his powe= rs.

It seems they are no longer able to ag= ree on anything nowadays, and Anakin is constantly questioning Obi-Wan’s decisions or instructions. He did it today too—in front of Senator Amidala and the c= hief of her security – causing embarrassment in all the onlookers.

Anakin should know better than contrad= icts his elders, especially in front of other people, but Obi-Wan was very hard when he claimed “Anakin must learn his place”.

Anakin knows his place…it is just that he is still too impulsive and passionate. Obi-Wan = was very much like him when we first met, even if he was far more disciplined. =

I shake my head. It is somehow amusing that is it me, the Jedi master, the one who condones Anakin’s too emotional behaviour, while my Sith= son frowns upon it.

But maybe there is nothing amusing her= e. Maybe Obi-Wan is just doing his duty as the Grey Warrior of the prophecy. M= aybe he senses danger in Anakin’s impulsivity and he is trying to correct = it. If this is the case, I will have to follow his lead and do my best to suppo= rt him for, no matter the role my son has always had in Anakin’s trainin= g, I am the boy’s master.

Obi-Wan still does not know about the = role the Chosen One’s prophecy attributes to him. The Council and I decided long ago it was best not to say anything to him, lest this knowledge might influence him and his behaviour toward Anakin. Obi-Wan is led only by the F= orce in his duty of guardian, and not by a prophecy, as has had happened in Anakin’s case.

I think we – I—might have committed a mistake by letting Anakin know he is= the Chosen One. Not only the boy grew too confident of his powers, but it also = led the others to behave differently with him. That’s why it is so import= ant Obi-Wan and I work closely together.

I heard voices coming from the living rooms. My son must have returned from his round of inspection in the lower floors.

I tense my ears to hear what they are saying, in the hope they don’t start arguing again.=

“What's going on?” This is Obi-Wan talking.

“She covered that camera. I don't think she liked me watching her.”= This is Anakin.<= /o:p>

“What is she thinking?”

“She programmed Artoo to warn us if there is an intr= uder.”

Ah yes Artoo, the small astrodroid that saved us when our shi= p was hit when we forced the blockade around Naboo= 230;

“It's not an intruder I am worried about. There are many other ways to kill a Senator.” Obi-Wan i= s talking again.

“I know, but we also want to catch this assassin. Don't we, Obi-Wan?”

        &= nbsp;           &nbs= p;            &= nbsp;

“You are using her as bait??”

There is shock in my son’s voice= and I cannot but feel the same. What was the boy thinking?

“It was her idea... No harm will come to her. I can sense everything going on in that room.

Trust me.”

“It is too risky... and your senses are not that attuned, young one.”

        &= nbsp;

“And yours are?”

Oh Force-- this is just the kind of insolent reply that drives Obi-Wan mad!

However it seems my son decided to let= it pass, for the voices are now silent. Perhaps I can now relax and get some s= leep before my shift begins…One moment…they are talking again.<= /o:p>

“You look tired.”

“I don't sleep well, anymore.”

“Because of your mother?”=

“I don't know why I keep dreaming about her now. I have not seen her since I w= as little.”

So Obi-Wan knows about these dreams too. I was not sure Anakin would tell him giving their s= trained relationship. I wonder if my Padawan told him e= xactly what his nightmares are about.

“Dreams pass in time.”

“I would rather dream of Padmé. Just being = around her again is...intoxicating.”

“Mind your thoughts, Anakin, they betray you. You have made a commitment to the J= edi order... a commitment not easily broken...and don't forget she is a politic= ian. They are not to be trusted.”

I cannot help but smile. Obi-Wan truly= does not like politicians. He cannot stand their false smiles and words.

“She is not like the others in the Senate, Obi-Wan.”=

“It is been my experience that senators are only focused on pleasing those who = fund their

campaigns<= span lang=3DEN-GB style=3D'font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Verdana;color:black;mso-= ansi-language: EN-GB'>... and they are more than willing to forget the niceties of democra= cy to get those

funds.”

“Don’t start again, Obi-Wan. I am not in the mood for another lecture... and besid= es, you are generalising. The Chancellor does not appear to be corrupt.”<= o:p>

“Palpatine is a politician, I have observed that he is= very clever at following the passions and

prejudices= of the Senators.”

Obi-Wan’s low, growling voice is betraying what he feels for the Chancellor.

My son does not like Palpatine; he never has. He does not trust the man and has told me more than once I sh= ould not allow Anakin to spend time with him as the boy often does. Obi-Wan says Palpatine does not do anything without a reason and that there must be something we don’t s= ee behind his interest in my Padawan.

As for myself, I don’t know what= to think. I sense no danger in the Chancellor; he threats Anakin as a kind unc= le would do, and I don’t believe there are any serious reasons for forbidding my Padawan too see him—

Coruscant= , Senator Amidala’s Apartments, 13= :5:8

The previous entry was brusquely interrupted when the alarms went on in the Senator’s apartments.

It turned out it had been another attempt= on Padmé’s life.=

Someone used a probe droid to introduce two Kouhun centipedes in her bedroom. The poiso= n of these creatures is deadly, but Force be blessed, Anakin and Obi-Wan sensed = and killed them before the worst could happen.

Then my son noticed the probe droid hovering outside the window, and flung himself at it, grabbing it before it could flee.

Anakin ran away to help Obi-Wan, while= I stayed here to watch over the senator and to alert Mace about what had just happened.

Obi-Wan and Anakin returned a couple of hours later, unharmed but very tired. They told me the probe droid had led = them to a Clawdite bounty hunter later identified as Zam Wesell, but that she had been killed before she could= reveal to them who had hired her.

The only clues we have about the assassin, is that= he is another bounty hunter and that he used a strange looking poisoned dart to kill his accomplice.

ADDENDUM- Jedi T= emple, late morning

The Council has decided it would be be= st if Senator Amidala leaves = Coruscant until the man who is threatening her is caught. Thus she has been convinced= to return to Naboo, escorted by Anakin, as Obi-Wan= and I work to discover who this bounty hunter is and, more importantly, who hired= him.

I am a bit concerned about letting my = Padawan go to Naboo alone= with the senator.

The young woman is strong willed and g= iven Anakin’s feelings for her, I am afraid he might be willing to go after her, should she decide to do something potentially dangerous as, for exampl= e, try to contact her aides on Coruscant, thus bet= raying her location.

Senator Amidala is a dedicated, passionate politician and she is leaving only because Chancellor Palpatine ordered her to. I just hope Anakin will be able to impose his will should she try to do something risky= .

ADDENDUM- evening

Obi-Wan and I have been at the spacepo= rt to see Anakin and Senator Amidala leave, then we went to a small diner in the business section of Coco<= /st1:PlaceName> Town, to pay a visi= t to a friend of Obi-Wan called Dexter Jettster.<= /o:p>

Dex, as= my son calls him, is a Besalik, an impressive neckless mound of flesh, with a great belly poking out beneath his shirt and breeches. He is bald and though he is not exactly you= ng and moves stiffly, he is not a creature anyone wants to fight—especia= lly since he has four huge arms.

Obi-Wan told me Dex is= an insuperable source of information and I cannot but agree with him given the speed with whom he recognized the origins of the dart my son handed him—something that the droids in the Jedi temple had failed to do.

Accordingly to him, the weapon is a saberdart of Kamino, a planet set beyond the Outer Rim, about twelve parsecs outside the <= span class=3DSpellE>Rishi Maze, toward the south.

Since neither of us had ever heard about this plan= et, Obi-Wan and I marched straight to the Archives in search of more informatio= n, but, surprisingly, we found nothing about Kamino or the Kaminoans.

After we ran the searching program for a third time without any result, I started to think Dex had = given us a wrong information, but my son refused to consider it, claiming his fri= end has never given him a wrong indication.

He was not even put off by Master Nu’s emphatic declaration that “if an item does not appear in our records,= it does not exist!”

Instead he mulled over the maps for a long time and then calmly announced me someone must have erased the planet from the archi= ves.

“How can you be so sure?” I asked him, shocked.

“Do you see this?” he said pointing to= the three-dimensional map. I nodded “This is where it ought to be... Grav= ity is pulling all the stars in this area inward to this spot. There should be a star here... but there is not. It is impossible that the gravity’s silhouette remains, but that the star and all its planets have disappeared.= Had the planet exploded, not only it would be recorded, but the gravity would no longer exist. The only possible answer is that Kamino<= /span> is still there, in the middle of that empty area, and that someone has, for whatever reason, erased its position from the maps.”

“Yes, you are right,” I told my son, patting his shoulder as he smiled up at me.

I am content we resolved this mystery, even if this discovery raises disquieting questions.

Who and why erased Kamino from the charts? Only a Jedi can have done it, but no matter how much I meditated on the matter I could not find an answer.

Obi-Wan and I reported our conclusions to Mace and Yoda, and it has been decided that my son will leave tomorrow for Kamino, to track down the bounty hunter, while I will= stay here to discover by who, why and when the Archiv= es were tampered with.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:9 <= /b>

Obi-Wan left for = Kamino this morning, leaving behind a very emotional Lianne.

My daughter-in-law is feeling the effe= cts of her pregnancy, and burst in tears when she saw her husband’s starfighter take off. She had been hoping to spend so= me time with Obi-Wan and had not expected to see him leave so soon after our return from Ansion.

I tried to comfort her as best as I co= uld and acting on an impulse, I asked her if she wanted to help me in my search= in the Archives. Today it was her rest day from the office and I thought it wo= uld not have done her good to stay home all alone.

Lianne accepted at once and she has proved very helpful. As a former ship captain, she not only has an extensive knowledge of the galaxy, but she is = also very familiar with how information about planets are inserted – or er= ased – from maps and charts.

Also she managed to put an end to Mast= er Nu’s claim that nobody can have tampered with “her archives” by telling the older woman how she once travelle= d to Kamino when she was a junior officer.

That silenced Joc= asta Nu for good, and from that moment on the Archiv= es Master became a precious help in our search, so set she has been in discove= ring who dared to mess with “her” records.

Unfortunately, whoever erased the data about Kamino, did a very accurate job, and left= no evidence behind. Which leads me to believe it must have been a master, for = knights do not have access to the computers codes.

Tomorrow I will try to discover if it = is possible to have a list of all the masters that accessed the computers in t= he past…how many years? We don’t know when Ka= mino was erased from the records. It could have been the past month or ten years ago.

This is so confusing. I have meditated deeply on the matter, but the Force gave no answers to my questions. I just hope things will be clearer once Obi-Wan arrives on Ka= mino and tells us more about the planet and the expert clon= ers its inhabitants are said to be.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:10<= /b>

Anakin has arrived on Naboo and reported that he and Senator Amidala will s= oon leave Theed to retire in a villa in the lake co= unty.

My Padawan seemed relaxed and in a good mood. I encouraged him to do his job well, and= not to hesitate to ask for help or advise should he find himself in some difficulty.

Anakin answered he would do it, but I = know him too well not to be aware he will contact me only if he cannot avoid it, especially since this is his first solo mission. I just hope his pride won&= #8217;t lead him into some trouble.

   =

ADDENDUM- afternoon

While I was in a meeting with the Coun= cil, reporting my conclusions about the tampering with the Archives, a transmiss= ion arrived from Kamino.

It was Obi-Wan, of course, and the new= s he gave us were very disquieting.

My son reported that the Kaminoans are creating an army of human clones for the Republic. He said the army is enormous, more than a million of unities, and that it was commissioned by Master Sifo-Dyas.

The Council was clearly amazed by this last detail and emphatically denied they ever ordered = Sifo-Dyas to commission the army. Also Yoda commented how blind the Council and the J= edi Order in general has been not to sense the creat= ion of an army of these dimensions.

I cannot but agree with him. How is it possible we did not sense it? Why has the Force not alerted us? Is it really true our perceptions are now clouded by the Dark Side as Yoda said?

It is a very disturbing thought, but t= he evidence cannot be denied. I can feel the Dark Lord’s hands at work behind this.

Master Adi Gallia wondered about the opportunity of asking the Si= th Council if they are aware of what is going on Kamino, but her suggestion was ruled out, at least until we know more about the mat= ter. Moreover, the Council does not wish the Grey Order might interfere with Obi= -Wan’s main task, the capture of the bounty hunt= er who tried to kill Senator Amidala.

My son reported that the original host used to create the clones is a bounty hunter called Ja= ngo Fett. He strongly suspects he is the assassin h= e is looking for, thus the Council ordered him to take Fett= in custody and bring him on Coruscant for interrogation.

This Jango= Fett is a link between the army and the threats again= st Senator Amidala, threats that clearly do not co= me from the spice miners on Naboo.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:11<= /b>

I did some researches in the Archives about Master Sifo-Dyas and the picture I drew w= ith the information I found is quite unsettling.

I discovered that Sifo-Dyas was a good friend of Dooku and that, like my fo= rmer master, he had openly criticized the Republic and the Jedi Order. Also, he = has been mysteriously killed shortly after the Trade Federation crisis. But more importantly, a close examination of the records showed Master Sifo-Dyas accessed the Archives main computers just a= few days before his death.

I came to the conclusion he was the one who erased the records about Kamino, probably j= ust before or just after he commissioned the clone army my son had discovered.<= o:p>

Yoda and Mace agree with my theory, but this new information does not answer to several important questions. Why did Master Sifo-Dyas commission the army for the Re= public when he was so critical of it? Did he lie to the Kamin= oans? And if he was telling the truth, and the army was always meant for the Republic, who ordered him to commission it? Who paid f= or it?

The more I ponder the matter, the more= I am certain there must be someone behind all of this.

The Dark Lord—it must be him.

There is no doubt that a war between t= he Republic and the Separatists would precipitate the galaxy in a vortex of violence and destruction that would make the Dark Side more powerful. In the resulting chaos it would be easier for the Dark Lord to carry on with his plans, whatever they may be.

It is really time the Jedi Council contacts its Sith counterpart and has a serious talk with them, since they refuse to listen to Obi-Wan. The Grey Order must be forced to see that we will have more chance= s to find the Dark Lord if they stop to claim he does not exist and accept to wo= rk together.

However, even as I say so, I sense they will not change their opinion. Obi-Wan has tried for ten long years to conv= ince them the Dark Lord have returned, but his elders have never listened to him= .

Their stubbornness and mistrust have caused much hurt to my son. A hurt he does not deserve to suffer, for his dedication and loyalty to the Sith Order are ab= solute and evident to anybody willing to see. But they do not want to see or liste= n, and I can only hope, for their good and the Jedi’s, they will never c= ome to regret it.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:12<= /b>

Still no news from Obi-Wan; I tried to contact him, but he did not answer. My guess is he is currently in hyperspa= ce, probably chasing Jango Fet= t.

As for Anakin, I received a brief transmission this morning and I found him pale and with his eyes circled by dark shadow.

I asked him if he was all right and he answered he was just tired, because he had another nightmare about his moth= er. Then he quickly changed topic and we ended up talking about Obi-Wan’s mission and my researches in the Archives.

His recurrent dreams are starting to w= orry me. As soon as my Padawan is home, I will insis= t he tells me what they are about and maybe I will also encourage him to have a talk w= ith one of the soul healers or with Yoda.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:13<= /b>

I feel tired this morning, for I have = been able to sleep only a few hours.

I was awakened in the middle of the ni= ght by a wave of pain, anger and hate that washed over me, making me sit up and stare wild-eyed at the darkened room.

For a moment I thought those strong feelings had come from Obi-Wan, but when I calmed enough to analyze their source, I realized they came from my Padawan, n= ot from my son.

I wanted to contact him at once, but a glance to chrono informed me it was still night= time on Naboo, and that what has awoken me was only = the echo of one of Anakin’s nightmares.

This shocked me, because if I was shak= en so much just by experiencing them second-hand, I can only imagine what the = poor boy feels…it is no wonder he sleeps so badly these days!

What is tormenting my Padawan so much? He said some of his dreams are about his mother, but what does he really see? What could cause him to experience such violent, negative feeli= ngs?

There are no more doubts or hesitation= s in me: as soon as he returns I will take Anakin to Yoda, because these dreams cannot continue, or they will end up mining his physical and mental health.=

ADDENDUM-midmorning

I have meditated on last night’s episode, an I am no longer sure I experienced th= e echo of one of Anakin’s nightmares.

I have just returned from the gardens where I had a chance meeting with Yoda. He has enquired about the bond I ha= ve with my Padawan and asked me if I sensed someth= ing last night that may have led me to think Anakin might in distress or needing help.

I answered him I feel nothing amiss in= our bond today. Whatever happened during the night did not affect Anakin-- or h= e is keeping himself so tightly shielded nothing is filtering along the bond.

This is a possibility I am not sure I = want to contemplate, for the hate and the anger I felt were so powerful that only someone who has touched the Dark Side can have experienced them.=

I just hope Obi-Wan will capture that bounty hunter soon, so that Anakin will be recalled back to Temple and I will be able to keep a clo= se eye on him.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:14<= /b>

Obi-Wan has been c= aptured by Doo= ku, and he is currently hold prisoner on Geonosis.<= o:p>

My son arrived there tracking Jango Fett, and discovere= d that several Separatists leaders are gathered there and the Viceroy Gunray is the one behind the life attempts against Se= nator Amidala.

Unfortunately, Obi-Wan was surprised w= hile he was completing his report, and the last thing the Council and I saw befo= re the transmission was interrupted, was my son igniting his lightsabre to deflect some blaster bolts.

Thanks to the bond, I know Obi-Wan is alive and well. He is not in pain—but who can= say for how long?

I have pressed for a rescue mission, b= ut the Council has decided to wait for tomorrow’s vote in the Senate bef= ore acting. They still believe Dooku would not do anything to precipitate a crisis and killing Obi-Wan would certainly do it.=

I have decided to obey until tomorrow—but not a moment longer. Tomorrow I will go to rescue my son, alone if necessary. I promised it to Obi-Wan, to myself and to Lianne.

Poor woman! She is trying so hard to p= ut up a brave front, but her distress is evident. This is not the first time Obi-Wan has been in some dangerous situation, bu= t the other times Lianne had not been present when th= e news had arrived. She has always been working, piloting her ship, and most of the times she has never been aware of what had transpired while she was away.

This time instead is different. She was with me when Mace summoned me to the Council Chamber and understood at once something was wrong. She wanted to know what had happened, and I could not = lie to her. She is a great woman, I love her dearly, and she deserved to know t= he truth.

Lianne is now sleeping in Anakin’s bedroom, thanks to a sleep sugges= tion I gave her. The first trimester is the most critical for pregnant women, an= d I wanted to be sure she will have plenty of rest this night.

As for myself, I doubt I will be able = to sleep. I am troubled about what happened to Obi-Wan, but worried about Anak= in.

I am still trying to understand what happened the other night and what my Padawan is doing on Tatooine when = he was supposed to be on Naboo. Why did he disobey his orders? Is he gone there to visit his mother? Did something bad happen whil= e he was there?

I need to meditate. Tomorrow it will b= e a crucial day and I need to be ready for whatever it will happen.<= /span>

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:15<= /b>

What I have been dreading for the past several days has become reality.

Following a motion proposed by Jar-Jar= Binks, representing Senator Amid= ala, the Senate granted emergency powers to the Chancellor. Palpatine accepted them, apparently with great reluctance, and sworn to give them bac= k as soon as the crisis has abated. His first act has been to order the creation= of a Republican army.

We are now on the brink of a war, and = the only chance we have to stop it is to capture Dooku and the other Separatists leaders on Geonosis.<= o:p>

Mace is going to travel there with two hundred Jedi and I will be among them. I know I am no longer as fast as I u= sed to be, but there is no way I can stay behind as Obi-Wan is in danger. And also there is a part of me who wants to see my master again.= I want to look at him in the eye. I want to feel by myself how much he has changed.

Republican Cruiser in route to Coruscant, 13:5:19

It is night time on the ship, and the silence in the corridors is broken only by my voice and my steps.

I know I should be in the quarters assigned to me. I know I should be resting to recover from the slight wound= I sustained today—but I can’t.

It seems insomnia has become my consta= nt companion in these days.

My steps are leading me again toward t= he sickbay, from where I was pushed away less than an hour ago by a zealous healer. A healer that, I am certain, will threat= en to sedate me if he catches me hanging around again. Maybe this time I will let= him have the upper hand, and let him put me to sleep.

However I will first check Obi-Wan and Anakin another time. I need to appease that part of me who wish to be reass= ured they are still alive, in order to forget the moment of absolute horror I experienced when I ran inside that hangar on Geonosis<= /span> and saw their bodies slumped on the floor.

For just a few, interminable seconds I= thought they were dead and a part of myself died with th= em. But then their pain reached me through the bonds and I realized my son and = my Padawan were still alive.

Alive, yes, but seriously wounded.

Anakin…Anakin has lost his right arm, while Obi-Wan had his thigh sliced almost to the bone.

I feel a surge of anger…of hate… rise in me as I muse again I risked losing my son and my Padawan at the hands of my former master and I close = my eyes to release those dangerous feelings to the Force.

It works, the anger and the hate are g= one, but not the resentment and the hurt.

If I close my eyes, I can see again the superior, almost bored look Dooku threw at me a= nd Mace when we approached him on stands of the arena where Obi-Wan, Anakin an= d Padmé where fighting for their lives.

“Master Windu, how pleasant of you to join us.”<= /span> He said, before he faced me and added, “Qui-Gon, you are just in time for the moment of truth. I would think these two boys = of yours could use a little more training.”

For the first time in my life I felt t= he desire to strangle someone, but then the situation precipitated and I had to let Dooku go, to run down in the sand ring to f= ight the droid army unleashed against the Jedi.

Despite everything I saw today, a part= of me wonders how my former master could have done this to me. He used to clai= m I was his favourite padawan, that I was like a so= n for him, and yet he tried to kill my son and my Padawan fully knowing who they were.

The pain I am feeling as a father is amplified by the sorrow I feel as a Jedi.

Today it was a slaughter. I don’t know exactly how many Jedi died in that damned arena, but they are too many. And I, Anakin and Obi-Wan would be among them now had not Yoda arrived with= the clone soldiers he brought from Kamino.

The troops’ arrival also helped = us to secure a victory against the Separatists, but it is a bitter one. Dooku and most of the other leaders have escaped and = this is not the kind of battle that put an end to a war.

This was only the beginning.

The war has begun and I can feel that somewhere, out there, the Dark Lord is laughing in triumph.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:21<= /b>

We arrived and as soon as we disembark= ed Obi-Wan and Anakin were rushed into surgery. I instead, walked to my son an= d Lianne’s quarters as fast as I could, wanting t= o be the one to break the news to her.

Lianne’s pregnancy is not common knowledge, and I wanted to avoid her being = informed of her husband’s injury by someone who was not aware of her condition= .

Once arrived, I used the code Obi-Wan = has given me to let myself inside the apartment. Lianne was still sleeping and I did my best to wake her up gently and give her the= news in a way that would not be too alarming.

She reacted well as she has done when = he heard of Obi-Wan’s capture. She did not b= urst into tears or scream to be taken at her husband’s bedside at once. Instead she took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as if she was = centring herself, like a Jedi or a Sith.

When she opened her eyes, she caught my curious glance and smiled.

“That’s right, Qui-Gon, I was trying to find my centre,” Lianne explained. “Obi-Wan taught me how to do = it many years ago, when I told him how difficult I often found to deal with annoying passengers without ending up strangling them.” A smirk. “When I first met him, I was a very short-tempered captain…”

I smiled, somehow surprised to discover even gentle, sweet Lianne has a temper! I have = always thought she is one of the calmest non-Jedi persons I have ever met, a perfe= ct counterpoint to Obi-Wan’s passionate natu= re and instead…Oh well, this is the proof that while her love for my son hel= ped him to nurture more his gentler side, his love taught her to control her mo= st impulsive streak. They really complement each other.

Afterward, I prepared breakfast as Lianne dressed, then we ate together before going to the healers wing.

Once there we were informed the surger= ies to both Obi-Wan and Anakin were already completed and that the two men had = been transferred in the recovery section.

The healers put them in the same room,= so to make easier for me to be close to both of them.

It broke my heart to see the remains of Anakin’s right arm wrapped in bacta patch= es. I am worried about how he will take his mutilation, even if the healers assur= ed me that he will be able to lead a normal life with the artificial arm they = have given him.

As for Obi-Wan, the healers told Lianne and me his leg shou= ld make a full recovery once the bacta finishes healing= the damaged muscles and blood vessels they have just reconnected. He will be ab= le to start exercising as soon as his wounds close, because his therapy will require him to swim until his leg is strong enough to bear his weight.=

Needless to say I feel relieved for bo= th my son and my Padawan, so much that the insomni= a that has haunted me for the past days seems to have disappeared and I am now on = the verge of reclining on my bed and sleeping for at least ten hours.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:5:28<= /b>

First entry in sev= eral days.

Obi-Wan and Anakin’s recovery is doing well, so well that today they were both discharged from the healers’ wing.

They did not alert me or Lianne so that we could go there and help them, but w= alked to my quarters by themselves, with Anakin’s supporting a still limping Obi-Wan.

My Padawan= seems to have accepted well his mutilation. He says it is better to have lost an = arm than his life and he has adapted remarkably quickly to his artificial arm. He is already able to hold large objects, like a bottle or a book, while he is st= ill having problems with the smaller ones, such as eating utensils. However I h= ave not doubt he will soon overcome this and we have already scheduled a lightsabre training session for tomorrow.<= /span>

I hope this lesson will teach him to be less impulsive.

Obi-Wan has= told me Anakin was the first one inside the hangar, and he did not wait for my s= on when he attacked Dooku, with the result he was quickly bested by my former master.

Then Obi-Wan and = Dooku battled each other, and my son was gaining the upper hand, until the moment= his opponent used the Force to make the ceiling collapse over Anakin’s unconscious form. Obi-Wan had to act quickly to avoid my Padawan was killed, and Dooku took advantage of his bri= ef distraction to wound him.

Once again Obi-Wan has protected Anakin...I wonder if he will ever realize these are not simple coincidences= but that the will of the Force is behind each episode…<= /p>

As for my son’s condition, the t= rip to my quarters exhausted him. In fact, prideful and stubborn as his usual, = he has wanted to walk here instead of accepting the hoove= rchair the healers wanted him to use. He has spent most the day lying on my couch = with his leg propped up on several cushions, but he is already looking forward to starting his therapy tomorrow morning.

I left him mostly alone today – alone with Lianne, I mean – for I felt th= ey needed to be close to each other after the worries and the anxieties of the past several days.

Lianne had a routine check yesterday afternoon and, Force be blessed, the healers confirmed the foetus is in perfect health and not suffering from the stress its mother had to endure. It was, = of course, a wonderful news, one that made my almost forty years old daughter-in-law giggle like a girl.

It was so beautiful to see her so happy and carefree, but I am afraid it won’t last.

The war is brewing. The Republican Arm= y is being shipped across the galaxy even as I talk and it will not be long befo= re the news of a battle reaches us.

As it was rumoured even before the discovery of the clones, the Supreme Chancellor has decided to give the com= mand of the troops to the Sith and the Jedi knights.

The Jedi Council has tried to protest = that we are guardians of peaces, not soldiers, and we have already lost too many knights on Geonosis, but it was useless.

It turned out that the Sith Order has been suffering many losses in the past years and their numbers are very low nowadays. They don’t have enough knights and masters to cover all the command positions on the many battlefronts what are opening.

This last bit of information surprised= and embittered Obi-Wan, for he was not aware of what was going on in his order.= His elders have never informed him, and this new show of mistrust has hurt him = very much.

It hurt him so much I refrained from telling him he too has been appointed as general of the Republic and assign= ed his own battalion of clones to lead in battle. I will keep this a secret as long as possible, and let him and Lianne enjoy their time together before telling them the truth.<= /p>

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:6:2

Anakin has left this morning to escort Senator Amidala to Naboo.

Obi-Wan was not pleased at all to hear= it, and started pacing back and forth as he often does when he is troubled or irritated, the pain to his leg totally forgotten.

I asked him why he was so upset by the news, and he said that leaving them alone is looking for troubles. He then reported me an episode that happened on Geonosis as they were chasing Dooku’s speeder on a gu= nship.

The gunship had rocketed under a hit a= nd Padmé had fallen off, landing on the sands ben= eath. So Anakin had shouted the pilot to bring down the gunship, completely forgetting his mission, and Obi-Wan had been forced to reprimand= him harshly to make him reason.

“I planned to tell you the first time the topic was raised again,” my son said, “but I did not expect the Council would send Anakin – or any other Jedi – to p= lay the bodyguard to the Senator to Naboo. I though= t the clones were now acting as escorts for the politicians while they are not travelling for official business.”

“They are, but it was Senator Amidala who requested Anakin’s presence, and the Chancellor backed her.”

Obi-Wan frowned, his lips set in a thin line. “I wonder if it was not really Anakin who asked Palpatine to back the Senator’s request so to be able to be alone with her…”

“Obi-Wan…” I started, but my son interrupted me.

“I know what you are going to sa= y. That I am too suspicious and mistrusting, that I see dangers everywhere. Maybe you are right, but I still retain my opinion: I don’t like Palpatine. I don’t trust= him and I don’t want Anakin to spend time with him. The man’s adula= tion and attentions feed the boy’s pride and arrogance. Anakin is already = too aware of his power, he does not need someone to = remind him of it every day.”

I nodded, acknowledging his concern= s and Obi-Wan continued.

“On Geonosi= s, when I was held prisoner, Dooku told me the Sen= ate is now controlled by the Dark Lord, Darth Sidious = and I have been thinking about it since then.”

“Are you suggesting Palpatine is the Dark Lord?”<= /p>

“No, I am not suggesting he is, = but I cannot exclude the Dark Lord might be controlling him and using him to ta= ke control of the galaxy…or Anakin.” Obi-Wan stopped his pacing and stared at me, his arms crossed on his chest.

“I don’t think it is so, Obi-Wan. I sense no deception in the Chancellor. I don’t know him as = well as Finis Valorum, but I think he is a dedicated leader. As for Dooku, we now know he too is a D= ark Lord. Probably, as the deceiving being he is, he was simply trying to raise your suspicion. He was trying to spread mistrust between us.”

Obi-Wan nodded, albeit unwillingly. “You are probably right, Father. After all, how can I trust a man who tried to chop my leg off just a few days later?” He gave me his paten= ted smirk and I smiled, patting his arm.

“That’s a sound reasoning,= my son. And don’t worry, I will remember to have a good talk with Anakin= about Senator Amidala.”

This put an end to our conversation. Obi-Wan left me for his therapy session, while I meditated about what has b= een said.

There is no doubt I must have a conversation with Anakin about his feelings for Padm&e= grave;. My Padawan must see that while it is all right = to develop a friendship with her, a stronger attachment won’t be tolerat= ed. This is the Jedi way, for the best or the worst, and Anakin has made a commitment to the Order—a commitment he must respect, no matter how h= ard it might be.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:6:8

Obi-Wan’s leg is now completely healed. We did some lightsabre sparring today and I was relieved to see his movements have returned to be = as quick and powerful as before.

However the joy of seeing my son back = in form has been dampened by the awareness he will soon be ready to resume his duty.

Lianne knows it too, and she is putting up a brave front—as Obi-Wan himself does.

My son is torn. I know he looks forward being back in action for he hates this forced inactivity, especially in a moment when the Republic is in such danger. But, on the other hand, he does= not wish to leave his wife alone now that she needs him so much. Theoretically Obi-Wan could ask to be reassigned to Temple or diplomatic duty, but he is aware he is a brilliant tactician and that his military training can make a difference on a battlefield.

He does not want to leave Lianne, but he will. He will go to the front for the = Sith, the servant of the F= orce that is inside him, will always come before the man and the husband. <= /o:p>

Some people might think he is cruel or insensitive, but this is how the S= ith are trained. They are allowed to form attachments, but their duty must alwa= ys come first. Sometime I wonder if their Code is not even harder than the Jed= i’s. What is worse, not be allowed to love or being allowed to love fully knowing you are going to hurt your loved ones when you tell them they will always c= ome after your duty?

Lianne knows all of this, of course. She has been married to my son for al= most fifteen years, and she will bear her pain and her fear in silence, with cou= rage and strength, but that will not make it easier for neither of them.

As for myself, the Council has decided I will remain on Coruscant, teaching to the Padawans who are too young to f= ollow their masters on the battlefield.

Instead Anakin—who will return f= rom Naboo tomorrow-- has been assigned as Obi-Wan’s second in command. The Council thinks my = Padawan is too a gifted pilot to be kept grounded, an= d they also believe he can complete his apprenticeship under Obi-Wan’s tutelage, since my son had a hand in his training from the start.

I agree with the Council’s evaluation: Anakin is too gifted to be kept on Corusca= nt with his aging master and, maybe, the necessity to work closely together in dangerous situation will help to mend the strained relationship between him= and Obi-Wan.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:6:10<= /b>

Obi-Wan and Anakin left today for Rekam, an Outer Rim system that is ravaged by the civ= il war between those factions that still remain loyal to the Republic and those wanting to join the Confederacy.

This is becoming a familiar scenario on many systems and, as it is happening to all the Jedi and Sith across the galaxy, my son and my Padawan are going to give military support to the loy= alist factions, in the hope Rekam does not secede fro= m the Republic.

It felt strange for me to watch them b= oard their starfighters knowing I was not going to j= oin them.

It is not the first time we have been assigned to different missions along the years, but this time is different. This time I watched my son and my Padawan leave= me to fight a war.

I watched them leaving knowing there is the real chance they might not return, for the hostilities are already clai= ming the lives of too many Jedi. Each day new victims are reported and scrolling down the list of the dead I read the names of Jedi I have known since my da= ys in the Crèche.

I read their names and ask myself why = I am not out there fighting as they did, as Obi-Wan and Anakin will soon be doin= g.

I should be out there, helping them to capture or eliminate the man who caused all of this, D= ooku.

Instead I am here, bound to the Temple…

Stop this at once, Jinn! Self pity is = not for you! Nor have you ever showed suicide tendencies!

You know perfectly well that you have never been the same after Naboo. That your body= is much more delicate and prone to illness than it was before. It has never be= en a problem before and it must continue to be so. After all, being prone to cold and other ailments has always been a small price to pay in exchange of being alive, instead of being dead as you would have been had not Obi-Wan healed = you on Naboo. But even the Force cannot make miracl= es. You have accepted your limitations so far and you will continue to do so.

A sudden smile appears on my face. I am picturing Obi-Wan’s expression the only t= ime he heard me address to myself in my journal as “you”. I don’t think I ever seen him more puzzled.

I wonder what he would react had he he= ard me just a few minutes ago. I don’t think he would be very understandi= ng. He despises self-pity and I am sure he would give me a good shake if he were here.

He would be right.

This self pity is useless and unbecomi= ng, as my regrets also are.

As soon as I complete this entry, I wi= ll go to the Room of the Thousand Fountains and meditate there. The sound of the dripping water has always been able to soothe me and I hope it will help me= to regain my connection with the Living Force. Connection that, I suspect, is being disturbed by the war and the too many deaths I have been sensing.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:6:12<= /b>

Obi-Wan and Anakin have arrived to Rekam. The situation seems to be less critical than i= t was reported. The local loyalist factions have already won several battles agai= nst the separatist parties, and so far there is no trace of the dreaded droid a= rmy of the CIS.

Obi-Wan hopes to close the question and re-establish order before Dooku might send reinforcements.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:6:23<= /b>

My son’s pre= diction about the Rekam situation have been prov= ed right. The capital city of the planet has fallen after an eight-days long siege and it is now in the hands of the loyalist party.

I am happy this campaign has been concluded so quickly, but it does not mean that Obi-Wan and Anakin will bac= k on Coruscant any soon.

They will stay on Rekam until the situation has stabilized enough and them they will move their tro= ops on to Rhen Var, the planet hosting the Jedi Temple of Ulic Quel Droma. Apparently it is a minor planet in terms of strategic strength, but Separat= ist forces have been reported being in the area by our intelligence.=

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:7:7

If the campaign in Rekam was easier than predicted, the one on Rhen Var has proved a failure.

The numerically inferior Republican forces were defeated by the invading Separatist droid army, and it is thanks to Anakin = and Obi-Wan if it did not end in a complete slaughter.

Before the battle, my son and my Padawan detected the invasion army and managed to evacuate most of our troops before the Confederacy attacked.

Obi-Wan told me Anakin gave proof of his extraordi= nary courage and skills by single-handedly fighting the droid army as the last outpost was evacuated. <= /o:p>

My son reports that Republican intelligence and so= me Jedi are at work to discover why Rhen Var is so important for the Separatists.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:7:31<= /b>

Another report from Anakin and Obi-Wan.

They have just launched another massive attack on Rhen Var to prevent the Separatist army from getting= their hands over an object called the Dark Reaper, crafted during the Great Dark Lords War, about 4,000 years ago. <= /p>

It looks like this weapon is hidden inside the Jedi Temple of Ulic Quel Droma and it is imperative that = Dooku and the Separatists do not obtain it.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:8:1

The Separatist forces on Rhen V= ar have been defeated.

The attack my son and my Pada= wan led against the Confederate forces overwhelmed them.

This time it was Anakin to lead the troops fightin= g on the ground while Obi-Wan lead starfighter squad= rons. I wonder why they reversed their usual roles, since Obi-Wan has such dislike for flying… Whatever the reason, the most important thing is that the battle was won and that the Dark Reaper destroyed.

Obi-Wan has once again = praised Anakin’s efforts, this time with the boy present, something that had = not happened in many months.

I was so happy to see them so at ease with each ot= her and I trust the Force this improvement in their relationship will prove long-lasting.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:8:17<= /b>

This evening I received a long transmission from Obi-Wan. He is currently stationed on a planet called Muunilinst, and he told me today’s battle was v= ery hard, albeit successful.

He said he had to fight against the new Separatist chief military leader, a bounty hunter named Durge. This being was a giant and he seemed to be indestructible. Obi-Wan was forced to recur to all his resourcefulness to mana= ge to defeat him.

But there was much more than tiredness= on my son’s drawn features. There was also rage, for Anakin, who was in charge of the fleet, disobeyed to Obi-Wan’s orders to chase a Separatist pilot, whom he said was very strong in the For= ce.

As far as Obi-Wan = knows, Anakin has pursued the Force user as far as Yavin where the two of them were then involved in a duel. My son says my Padawan is on his way back and what he will give him a piece of his mind as soon as the boy appears in front of him.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:8:22<= /b>

After so many, cold military entries, after so many days spent dreading to read a beloved name in the lists with names of the fallen Jedi and Sith, finally I ha= ve something beautiful to report.

Today something extraordinary has happened: my grandson – I am sure he is a boy – has moved for t= he first time, and Lianne has been so kind to let = me feel him too.

I admit I was not sure of where exactl= y I had to pose my hand, for I never had the opportunity to do it when Lydah was expecting Obi-Wan. By the time she arrived = to the Jedi Temple, she was already so sick an= d weak because of her organs failure that the healers rushed her into surgery in t= he hope to save our son. So I have never known one of the simplest and yet most wondrous things a father can experience.

Lianne sensed my hesitation as I hovered with my hand over her belly and s= he took my wrist, leading me to the right spot.

She smiled at me as I stood silent, my palm pressed against the curve of her stomach. As I waited for “something”, I could not help but think how much way I have cov= ered in the ten years I have known her.

I still remember how stiff and ill at = ease I was when I first met my daughter-in-law, a little time after Obi-Wan came= to live at the Jedi Temple. I was so embarrassed and uncomfortable I barely opened my mouth.

Luckily, that inauspicious beginning h= as not prevented us from forging a strong friendship, based on respect, genuine caring and on the love that ties both of us to Obi-Wan.

As I was there, all lost in my memorie= s, I felt a ripple under my palm and then something small – A fist? A foot?—pressed against my fingers with surprising energy.

It was an amazing sensation, one that brought tears to my eyes. It was like I realized only then that Obi-Wan and= Lianne have created a new life and that soon our fami= ly will welcome a child. The first one born at he <= st1:place w:st=3D"on">Jedi Temple since…since Obi-Wan himself. I think it is somehow fitting.

I cannot help but feel blessed I was allowed to feel my grandson in this way, and I hope Obi-Wan will know my sa= me joy very soon.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:9:17<= /b>

Obi-Wan and Anakin are home for a two weeks leave. It is not as long as I would have hoped, but given the timing = and the escalation in the hostilities it is better than nothing.

I found Anakin mentally tired, but in excellent physical form, and I could swear he has grown up some more, altho= ugh he is still shorter than I am.

Obi-Wan instead is still recovering fr= om his last encounter with Asajj Ventress-- this is the name of the female Dark Jedi Anakin first chased and battled on= Yavin.

Ventress takes orders from Dooku, and she and Ob= i-Wan have already locked ‘sabres.

This time they faced each other on Queyta, where Obi-Wan and four Jedi had been sent to penetrate a Separatist factory and retrieve the antidote to a toxic gas Dooku planned to use against our troops.

The raid was successful and we obtained the antidote we wanted, but four Jedi lost their lives, killed by Ventress, who managed to escape.

Obi-Wan has= kept this mission a secret. Even Anakin was not informed, so I was taken aback w= hen I saw him come toward me and I saw how ravaged looked his skin, which still bore the scars of the blisters caused by the toxic gas he came in contact w= ith.

However my spirits were lift again whe= n my son smiled and embraced me and I realized that no matter how bad his face looked, he was all right.

I cannot deny I felt a great relief wa= sh over me and I have thanked the Force for bringing them home safe and well. =

I have seen the conditions in which so= me other knights have returned, and I have been upset by how badly the war has scarred and wounded them, both in their mind and body.

The Jedi Order is already paying a too high tribute to this war, and I cannot help but wonder if the Sith involved in the hosti= lities are doing better, given their more military-oriented training.

However, I am firmly intentioned to ke= ep this question for myself. In fact my most important task for the next fourt= een days will be to make sure reality intrudes as less as possible in my son an= d Padawan’s lives.

I will make sure Obi-Wan spends as much time as possible with Lianne and their very act= ive child, and I will make sure Anakin relaxes, rests and has a good time…= ;I am even willing to clean all the mess he creates in our common room when he works with his mechanical stuff.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:9:22<= /b>

During the years I have spent as a diplomatic envoy, I have come in contact with several civilizations and many different religious beliefs. Some of these creeds believe that when a person dies, its spirit is rewarded or punished for what it did in life. The good = ones go in some kind of heaven, which I think it is a bit similar to the netherw= orld of the Force, the bad ones go in a place called “hell” where they will damned for eternity.

It was while visiting one of these wor= lds that I heard the expression “the hell broke loose”. I stored it= in my memory, but I never understood its meaning.

Until today.

Today the hell broke loose when Obi-Wa= n, Anakin and I had the worst argument of our lives.

All started this early morning, when a sudden communication arrived from the Republican base on Jabiim.

The situation on that planet is rapidly degenerating and the Jedi stationed there need reinforcements.

Obi-Wan and Anakin’s leave has t= hus been cancelled, and they were ordered to leave for Jab= iim within a few hours.

The news, of course, was a bad blow fo= r my son. Not only he is still recovering from his previous mission, but he was hoping to spend some more time with Lianne, sin= ce there is the strong probability he will not be here when she gives birth.

However Obi-Wan reacted as the soldier= he is and started his packing at once, while I contacted Anakin.

Or better, I tried to contact him, for= I was not able to locate him.

He was not in the Temple, he did not answer to his comlink, and he had closed down our bond.<= /span>

When I informed Obi-Wan, my son turned= to face me with an angry expression and growled, “I tell you where he is= . He is with her.”

“Her?”

“Senator Amidala, who else?”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked him.

“I just know.” Obi-Wan put= on his robe with a brusque move and hissed, “I am going to drag him here= by his hair.”

He marched out of his bedroom and went= to the door, but I grabbed him by his arm before he could open it.<= /span>

“You can’t walk to the Senator’s apartment with his attitude, Obi-Wan!” If the guards = see you approach like a storm they will stop you.= 221;

“Let them try,” my son spa= t, but he made to move to open the door. Instead he shook his arm free from my grip and started pacing for the living room as a caged rancor, as I and Lianne exchanged worried looks.

I tried again to contact Anakin, but w= ith no results. So then only thing we could was to wait he returned.=

Time ticked slowly as Obi-Wan continue= d to pace and his increasing irritation washed over me in rolling waves, until t= he moment the door slid open and a smiling Anakin stepped inside the room.

“So you are all here-”

My Padawan= had not the time to complete the line that Obi-Wan stormed over him and pinned = him against the wall.

“Where were you, little irresponsible boy? We have been trying to contact you for hours!” He hissed.

“I-I was outside,” Anakin stammered, looking wide-eyed from Obi-Wan to me and back.=

“Outside? I believe you were inside, instead. Inside that cute Sen-”

“OBI-WAN!= 221; Lianne’s scandalized voice interr= upted her husband, but Anakin understood all the same.

My mouth opened in stunned surprise wh= en my Padawan, instead of denying the accusation, = tilted his chin in a defiant way and snarled, “What if I was really with Padmé? I can do what I want when I am on leave!”

“No, you are not!” Obi-Wan answered, letting go of Anakin and stepping back as he ran a hand trough his hair. “Our leave has been cancelled; we have been recalled to the fro= nt. We must leave for Jabiim in…” Obi-W= an threw a glance to his chrono, “…in twenty minutes.”

“Leave? In twenty minutes? That’s impossible! We have just returned! They cannot send us away so soon.” Anakin protest vehemently.

“We are at war, Anakin. We must = do what it is required from us,” I said sternly.

“It is easy for you! You are pos= ted here, not on some forsaken planet, being cold and wet, eating bugs and wondering when and if you will see your wife again!”

I was about to reprimand Anakin for his tone, when his last words sank in.

Wife.

There was a moment of unnatural silenc= e, the calm before the storm, as we all stared at Anakin, whose wide eyes betr= ayed the fact he was aware of the implications of that he had said.

Obi-Wan recovered first and turned to = face me, “See? What did I tell you, Father? I was right in claiming she was going to be a source of troubles!”

“Don’t you dare accuse Padmé!” Anakin took a menacing step forward, invading Obi-Wan&= #8217;s personal space, but my son held his ground.

“I am not accusing her; I am sta= ting the truth. I saw the risks of this infatuation from the start.”<= /o:p>

“Don’t call it infatuation= ! We love each other, as you love Lianne. Why is you= r love allowed and mine not?”

Obi-Wan stared at him, as if his he was asking with his eyes “Must I really tell you? Don’t you already know?” Then he answered Anakin’s question, and his voice was no longer angry, but sad.

“Because I am a Sith and you are a Jedi. Because I married when= I became a knight while you are still a padawan a= nd you have broken the trust your master had in you. Because y= ou will now oblige a man who loves you as a father to choose between you and h= is duty and obedience to the Jedi Order. That’s why your love is = not allowed, Anakin. Now, please, go to pack your gear. The transport won’= ;t wait for us.” And thus speaking, Obi-Wan walked to the divan and sat heavily on it, as if exhausted.

Anakin stood there he was, unmoving, f= or several seconds, then his eyes searched mine, a silent question in his too bright gaze.

“Go to pack, Anakin,” I murmured. “We will discuss this another time.”

He nodded and went to our quarters, reappearing a few moments later carrying his travelling bag.

Obi-Wan then stood up, picked his own = bag and walked to the door, moving past Anakin without looking at him. My Padawan followed him, and so Lia= nne and I did, although at a slower pace.

As my daughter-in-law and I watched th= eir transport take off, I felt her small hand squeeze mine in silent support.

Oh Anakin, what did you do? Did you understand the consequences of your act had you been discovered? Do you rea= lize the position you put me into? Or did you jump in this marriage with your us= ual impulsivity?

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:9:23<= /b>

I spent the whole night in meditation.= My knees and back are protesting from the pain, but I am bearing it gratefully f= or the Force gave me the answers I was looking for.

I won’t report Anakin’s transgression to the Council.

I won’t have him expelled or punished because he broke the no-attachment rule for, if it were the case, = then I would have to suffer his same fate.

Since Anakin has become my Padawan, I have been teaching him with words how a Je= di should behave, but oftentimes my actions have not been in line with what I = have been preaching.

I love my son.

I love my daughter-in-law and the boy growing inside her.

I love my Padawan= .

How can I claim Anakin must not love w= hen I love so much myself?

I can’t.

Yes, Anakin was wrong in marrying Sena= tor Amidala, but he is not wrong in loving her.

As soon as Obi-Wan and Anakin call, I = will let them know my decision, in the hope this might help them clear the air between them, so they can concentrate only on the war.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:9:25<= /b>

Obi-Wan called a few moments ago to in= form me they have arrived safely to Jabiim.

The situation on the planet is very serious, even more than expected, but he is confident about the outcome—or so he said me, because I am not totally convinced he was telling the truth. There was something in the way he kept his eyes lowered&= #8230;I just hope to have been mistaken.

After Obi-Wan completed his brief repo= rt, I told him about the decision I reached days ago regarding Anakin, and I was not surprised to see him relax.

“I am glad you came to this decision, Father. You know I am angry with Anakin because he broke the rules and your trust, but you are also aware I don’t approve the Jedi’= ;s prohibitions regarding emotional attachment. I think it is unnatural to obl= ige people not to love.”

“Yes, I know,” I smiled. “You have told me many times.”

“And I will continue to repeat i= t to anyone willing to listen until my dying day.” Obi-Wan grinned briefly= , then added seriously. “I am also glad you are not reporting Anakin because I think it would be dangerous to cast him away. An expulsion would destroy him and he would be an easy prey for the Dark Lords. Anakin maybe the Chosen One, but it is not clear how he is supposed to “bring balance to the Force”…”

I nodded in silence, pondering his concerns. Obi-Wan has talked as the Grey Warrior= , as the Chosen One’s guardian he does not know to be.

I confess I did not think too much abo= ut the danger Anakin might turn to be, for I see him only like the boy I have raised since childhood, but Obi-Wan’s vis= ion is much clearer than mine.

I only hope my son and my Padawan will be able to reconcile for it is evident h= ow important their partnership is.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:15=

I am worried about Obi-Wan and Anakin. They seemed exhausted in their last holocom fro= m Jabiim, and it was more than six days ago.=

Things are not going well on Jabiim. The Republican Army has been fighting for mor= e that two weeks without taking a decisive advantage over the Jabiimi factions that wants to join the Confederacy.

The troops have been spending time and energies and losing men and equipments in conquering rebels’ outposts that prove to be ultimately useless.

Also the planet is plagued by a harsh climate. Obi-Wan reported it has never stopped raining since they arrived, = and that the storms make landing reinforcements almost impossible.

My son confessed to me that while he p= uts a confident front for the troops and the Jabiimi soldiers that are helping him, he is becoming very concerned about the situation. Their enemies, while apparently not yet supported by the CIS dro= id army, are very resourceful and dangerous. He feels like they are led in some kind of exhausting bantha-chase that bring them nowhere.

Our communication ended with Obi-Wan asking me to look after Lianne and his son and = there was something very unsettling in his words.

This is the first time my son explicit= ly asks me to take care of his wife, and it is also the first time he refers to his son in this way…It is…It is like he feels he won’t be home for a long while…or worse.

His parting words have tormented me for the past days and this is why I am here, sitting in from of my holocom, staring at it, and almost willing it to beep= with an incoming transmission.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:16=

I …don’t even know from wh= ere I am finding the strength …or the will…to record this entryR= 30;

I feel broken… empty…old…alone…

Obi-Wan… my son…I am not e= ven able to say it…

My son is dead.

I can’t…say…moreR= 30;

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:17=

Obi-Wan died two days ago on Jabiim.

He- He died in an explosion as he was trying to evacuate some of his men from a fallen walker.<= /p>

Mace gave me the news… but I alr= eady knew, for I sensed the moment…our bond was broken.

My son is dead…I can barely gasp what it means.

It means I will no longer see him smir= k at me…that I will never feel his arms hugging me…that I will never meditate or spar with him…that we will no longer tour the markets together, searching for specimen to add to his collection of rocks…I = will no longer hear his low, cultured voice tease me…

Other Jedi have stopped by…they = have told me to rejoice because my son is now one with the Force…but I can’t.

I can’t…

My grief and sense of loss are crushing me…A father should never survive his children…it is unnatural…unfair…Obi-Wan should be here…watching as his w= ife becomes rounder with their child as her pregnancy progresses…

Instead he is dead on a planet so far away…leaving behind not even a body to burn on a pyre…as he deserves…deserved.

Oh, my son, my Obi-Wan…why did it have to be you? I know you died doing you duty…but I found no comfort= in it…What will I do without you? How…will I be able to complete Anakin’s training without your counsel?

Obi-Wan… Obi-Wan…why I can= not even sense you in the Force?

Where… is your …spiritR= 30; gone?

I can’t… add more…my tears…are …suffocating my …voice…=

Obi-Wan…

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:20=

Another day has elapsed without hearing from Anakin and this waiting is driving me mad.

My Padawan= is still alive, I can sense it from the bond… but I need to see with my = eyes how he is…now…now that I have lost my son…I cannot bear to even think about losing Anakin too…

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:21=

Mace has been here to visit Lianne and I today. He wan= ted to hold a memorial service for Obi-Wan along those for the other Jedi died on = Jabiim, but my daughter-in-law refused.

Or better she has thanked Mace for his kindness, but asked him to postpone the ceremony until the baby is born.

“So that he too can participate,” she said simply. Then added, with a chilling calm tone, “After all, there is no hurry…we don’t even have a body to burn.”

Mace has agreed to her wishes and shor= tly afterward she has left my quarters to retire in hers.

My friend watched her go, and I could = see the admiration on his face when he murmured, “She is reacting well, I think. Even if she seems too controlled…Normal= people should be more emotional…”

I smiled sadly at his words. “She seems to have taken it well, but it is not so. She has lived for fifteen ye= ars with… a Sith&#= 8230; and she has learned a things or two about shielding her feelings. It is onl= y a façade, Mace. She is suffering and it is only her perceived duty to = Obi-Wan’s memory that makes her act so controlled&#= 8230;She thinks it would not be appropriate to be emotional in front of you or the o= ther Jedi. But I know he cries herself to sleep every night…and that her s= on is the only thing that makes her go on…”

Mace nodded slowly. “And you, my friend? How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I feel, Mace? = I am devastated. And angry. Angry= with the Separatists. With Dooku= . With The Force, for it took my son away…for it took him away before he was even able to hold his boy in his arms…”

“You must release your feeling to the Force, Qui-Gon,” Mace said gently, pu= tting a hand on my shoulder. “And you must take comfort in knowing Obi-Wan = is now in a better place. Remember, there is no death-”

“-there is the Force.” I completed, but they were empty words. “I know, Mace. But it is not ea= sy. Not easy at all.” I raised my eyes to look at him. “Sometime I = tell myself this is why the Code forbids attachments. I think that maybe it would have been better if I had never found Obi-Wan again. Had it been so, I woul= d be still here, wondering about how he would look like now, imagining him as a doctor, a lawyer, a pilot. Imagining him alive and happ= y. However, these thoughts never last long. Getting to know my son, living and working with him for the past ten years has been the most beautiful gift the Force has ever given me—after Obi-Wan’s birth, of course. I have felt blessed all along because of the bond I shared with him, a bond no other Jedi has experienced in centuries. But now that my son has been taken again from me…I feel lost. As = a part of me died with him. And I feel angry at the sheer unfairness of this.”

I took a deep breath and added, “= ;I know the Force is still there, Mace. I know I should release my anger, my p= ain, my regrets, but it is too soon. These feelings have given me the strength t= o go on and I am afraid I will break down if I let them go. I am aware it is not= the Jedi way—but it is how I feel. One- one day I will release my pain, my sorrow and my desperation to the Force, and maybe I will be able to rejoice because my son is now part of it… but not now. Please, understand me,= my friend.”

Mace nodded and squeezed my shoulder. “I understand, Qui-Gon, I really do. I kn= ow some people think I am unfeeling, but I am not. Obi-Wan was a dear friend and I miss him very much. Please remember that I am your frie= nd and that will always be here, should you need to talk.”

I forced myself to smile. “I kno= w, Mace. I know—and Obi-Wan knew it too.”

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:10:22=

I talked with Ki-= Adi-Mundi. He is leading his battalion to Jabiim and he to= ld me he received a brief message from Anakin this morning.

My Padawan= is well, unharmed and fighting along a group of Jedi apprentices…they ca= ll themselves the Masterless = Padawans and it seems they are doing much to keep the enemy at bay, at least until t= he reinforcements arrive. Chancellor Palpatine has ordered to leave the planet and the evacuation should happen within a few d= ays.

I hope the ships arrive quickly, for I will nor relax or rest until I know my Padawan = is away from that forsaken planet…

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:11:8<= /b>

Anakin is safe, Force be blessed. He h= as been evacuated from Jabiim today.

I have not yet talked with him, but I = know for sure he is on the ship Chancellor Palpatine= sent and that he is fine.

I trust he will call me as soon as he = is able to.

I long to see him again…I am mis= sing him so much. I want to see with my eyes how he is and how much this disastr= ous campaign on Jabiim scarred him.

ADDENDUM- late evening

Anakin has finally called.<= /span>

The transmission has just ended and I = am exhausted because of it.

Anakin is physically fine, albeit thin= and tired, but he is emotionally broken…As soon as our eyes have looked through the screen, he has thrown himself to his knees and begged me to for= give him because he was not able to protect Obi-Wan.

“I am so sorry, Master…= 221; he kept on repeating between his tears, “I was not good enough…I was not fast enough…I should have sensed the danger…I should ha= ve stopped him…I should have not allowed Obi-Wan to board that walker…”

I tried to soothe him as best as I cou= ld, but it was really difficult, for a part of myself kept on saying, “Yes, Padawan you should have…Why you did not?”

I cringed when I realized what I was thinking and forced myself to release that resentment, while Anakin continu= ed to weep and berate himself.

“He died without knowing how muc= h I loved him…” he said. “He died being angry and disappointed with me…I never apologized for what had happed that last morning on <= span class=3DSpellE>Coruscant. I never told him I knew I had been wrong&#= 8230;I never told him how appreciated his teachings…I was too stubborn and prideful…And now he will never know he is…was…my brother…”

That completely undid me. I started cr= ying with Anakin and for Anakin, as I tried to reassure him Obi-Wan is aware of = his feelings…that from the netherworld of the Force he has forgiven Anaki= n…and is looking over him.

After a while Anakin calmed down and s= tood up from his kneeling position. He thanked me and told me he was going to meditate in the hope to sense Obi-Wan’s s= pirit in the Force.

I really hope he is able to do it, bec= ause I can’t. In the past days, Lianne has ask= ed me more than once if I have sensed him and it has broken her heart when I answ= ered that no, I have not.

Anakin is so much more powerful than m= e, and maybe he will succeed where I failed…I don’t know how much I would give to sense my son again, if only once…

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:11:10=

When I returned to my quarters today, I found a brief recorded message from Anakin.

My Padawan= told me he is not going to return to the Temple, but that will stay in the war zone under the tutelage of Ki-Adi-Mundi.

They are now going to transfer their troops in the Varonat system, whose commercial = routes are endangered by pirates.

A part of me is proud of Anakin’s dedication to his duty. He could have returned to the Temple with the other masterless padawans for a long leave, but he decided to st= ay. The other part instead is worried, because I am not sure Anakin decided to = stay away out only of duty.

I am concerned he might be afraid to f= ace me and Lianne. That he might be busying himself= in his duty so to forget his pain…

Listen to your words, Jinn! You are af= raid that Anakin is doing the same thing you are doing!

Yes…that’s true. I am work= ing long hours in these days, and not just because there is a shortage of maste= rs here at the Temple= . I am working from dawn well into the night because I know that I will be ab= le to sleep if I tire myself enough…

I should really stop this, I know that= . I am getting thinner and I feel like I have aged ten years in just a few week= s. I am aware my behaviour is worrying Lianne and I = have promised her to take better care of myself, but still I keep on doing it. <= o:p>

Perhaps it is a good thing Anakin is staying away…I could ever pretend to help him to accept this tragedy = and move on if I am unable and unwilling to confront the same issues myself?

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:11:20=

Almost forty days have elapsed since I learned of my son’s death.

Since I last felt = our bond pulse with life.=

Since I have medit= ated for the last time.=

I have never spent so much time withou= t meditation, not even after Xanatos’ turn, not even wh= en Obi-Wan was taken away from me as a baby.

I have always believed that everything= has a purpose, that there is always a reason behind any event, and that we have just to listen to the Force to understand what it is.

Now…now I am not so sure. It see= ms like I am questioning the beliefs of a whole life, but how can I really do = it if I don’t really meditate? I ask questions but I am not willing to search for the answers.

I know Mace and Yoda are concerned abo= ut me. They have offered to meditate with me, but I have declined. =

I don’t feel like doing it. Not = yet, that’s it.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:11:23=

Today I accompanied Lianne to her weekly check up.

The healers have found her and the bab= y in perfect health. She is scheduled to give birth in fifteen days or so and to= day she asked me to be with her when the time comes.

Of course I will be with her. I will d= o it for her, for my son and for Obi-Wan.

Yes, Obi-Wan. Lia= nne has decided her son will be named after his father and not after Ben J’Ray, Obi-Wan’s late master, as they had agreed.

I confess I look forward to the child’s birth. I hope that holding a part of my son in my arms will h= elp to dispel the anger and desperation I keep inside myself.

And then maybe, when the time is right= , I will find again my centre. I will return to listen to the Force and perhaps= I will hear the echo of Obi-Wan’s laugh in = its whisper.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:11:28=

This night I had a beautiful dream. I dreamed of Obi-Wan…he was alive and smiling, walking in a green meadow with his son riding his shoulders, his little legs firmly grasped in his father’s hold.

Lianne and I were there too, sitting nearby and I then realized I knew that meadow. It was on my home planet, near the river where, oh-so-many years ag= o, I found the black and red Force sensitive stone my son always carries near his heart…

My son carries…present tense.

Is this why I can’t feel him in = the Force? Because deep inside I have not yet accepted he is dead?

It must be so.

There has been a moment yesterday night that I even imagined to sense our bond come to life again…but it was = only my wishful imagination. Today everything is as it has been for the past mon= th.

My son is dead and nothing can change = this reality.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:12:2<= /b>

An old saw says pure perfection does n= ot exist. It is probably right.

However, I can swear that today, my li= fe went very close to archive perfection.

Obi-Wan is = alive.

My son is alive.

He did not die on Jabiim and he is now back at the Temp= le, currently resting in a room in the Healer’s wing, near Lianne and their newborn son.

Oh yes, Ben has been born today…= he decided to come to the light sooner than predicted… impulsive boyR= 30;

Listen to me, I am babbling…but = as I told Obi-Wan many years ago on Naboo, when he w= as the one stammering at my bedside, I think I am entitled to it. In fact I think = it is a miracle I am even able to say a coherent sentence so emotionally upside down I am.

All started this early morning…w= ell, yesterday morning, for it is past the twelfth hour, when, just after breakf= ast, I went to visit Lianne.

I had just stepped inside her living r= oom when I heard her voice come from her bedroom.

“Qui-Gon?” she called.

“Yes, Lianne?” I answered peaking from the open door and seeing she was still lying in bed= .

“Can you call the healers? I thi= nk it is time,” she said, sounding impossibly calm.

“What? Now?<= /span> Isn’t it early?” I confess that, even if only for a second, I f= elt on the verge of panicking. However I managed to regain my composure quickly= and I hurried to do what she had asked.

Once it was done I went to her bedside= and knelt. “Are you in great pain?” I said her.

“Not yet…” She grinn= ed, before a contraction made her grimace. She panted and then murmured, “= ;I retract what I have just said…”

I could not help but laugh softly. “When did it start?”

“About two hours ago.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because it was not so bad, and because I know you are not sleeping enough in= these days…”

My heart constricted. There she was, in pain, mourning her husband and all what she was thinking of? Of me, of my health.

“Lianne-” I started, but whatever I wanted to say was silence by the healers, a master and a padawan team, arrival. They carried a str= etcher and after a brief examination they moved Lianne= on it, and we were soon on our way to the Healers’ wing.

Once there, I was told to wait as the healers took Lianne inside a chamber to run some tests and ascertain her condition.

About an hour later I was allowed insi= de the bedroom and it was then that the real wait began.

My daughter-in-law had decided to have= a natural birth, with no drugs to speed up the labour and just a little dose = of painkillers.

I don’t know if she would have m= ade the same choice had she known she would have to labour for eighteen hours, = but I have to say her courage and her determination impressed me. She did not scream, she did not curse…she just repeated Obi-= Wan’s name again and again and gritted her teeth like a soldier.

She screamed only in the end, when wit= h a last effort she pushed her son to the world. And then all the pain she had = to endure was forgotten when the healer who had helped with the birth put her child in her arms for the first time.

As I watched my grandson, my memory returned to another newborn and just as I had done thirty-five years ago, I lowered my shields, wanting to bask in the child’s strong Force signature.

It was in that precise moment that the bond inside my mind sprang to life again. It was such an unexpected, incred= ible sensation that I stood there, immobile, speechless, as near me, Lianne adjusted her grip on her child and said, “Welcome to the world, my son. Welcome-”

“-Ben Qui-G= on Kenobi,” a low, cultured voice completed from the door and I whipped = my head around.

Obi-Wan, my Obi-Wan was standing there, leaning against the doorframe, his blue-grey eyes wide as he stared at his wife and son.

He looked terrible. He was pale, thin,= his hair and beard unkempt, and his face bore several scars—but he was the most beautiful thing I ever saw.

He left his place against the doorframe and crossed the room his eyes fixed on the red haired bundle pressed against his wife’s bosom.

Then Obi-Wan raised his head and his f= ace broadened in a dazzling smile as his eyes danced from = Lianne to me and back again.

“Lianne…Father…” he murmured.

It was then that I circled the bed with Force-enhanced speed and I pulled him in my arms, hugging me as strong as I could as I experienced my moment of sheer perfection…

Shortly afterward, a healer dragged Obi-Wan and I away from the room as Lianne prep= ared to feed Ben for the first time.

I followed my son to another room, unwilling to let him out of my sight for a single moment as he was checked = by the healers.

We have not talked about what has happ= ened to him today. We just basked in each other’s presence, our shields lowered, until the healers decided that Obi-Wan needed to rest and that it = was time I went to bed to.

It is exactly what I plan to do. I am = tired and my bed is beckoning me. There are still many questions I need an answer= to, but it does not really matter now.

The only thing that matters is that Obi-Wan is alive and has returned home.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:12:3<= /b>

I went to visit my son and his family = in the healer wing and was somehow amused to see that while Lianne was awake and reading, her two men were sleeping.

I know it is too soon to say it for su= re, and that my opinion might not be that impartial, but I am ready to swear Ben has taken after Obi-Wan, not only in the colouring. They had the same expression while sleeping…

ADDENDUM- evening

In the afternoon I received a message = from Anakin. He is on his way to the Temple. He will be on leave for at least one month.

I have informed him that he is now an uncle, and I have seen his eyes brighten with joy when he realized Obi-Wan = has arrived home just in time to name his child.

I gather that my = Padawan and my son had not the time to talk privately after Obi-Wan’s rescue, but I trust everything will be between them.

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:12:4<= /b>

Obi-Wan was released from the Healer’s wing today, for the only thing he really n= eeds is to recover from his ordeal is plenty of rest, good food and light exerci= se.

We went to the gardens together and it= was where that my son told me what happened on Jabiim.

He told me how he was able to leave the walker before it exploded, how the force of the explosion thrown him and a clone trooper called Alpha in the air and how the hard impact with the grou= nd knocked him unconscious.

He revealed me how Asajj Ventress found him and Alpha and transferred bo= th of them on her hiding place on Rattatak, where she tortured both of them for other a month, until they were found a way to esc= ape.

He described me the horror of spending endless days chained, prisoner of a Dark Lord torture mask that made practically impossible for him to access the Force, that prevented him from touching our bond and thus let me know he was alive.

After Obi-Wan concluded his talk, there was a moment of silence, then he turned to face me and murmured, “And= you Father? How have you spent the last fifty days?”

I knew what my son was really asking a= nd thus I lowered my shields and showed him everything he deserved to know.

I did it without hesitation, for I know Obi-Wan would never judge me, would never repute me weak. We may argue on several things, but there is always absolute trust between us.

When he finally retreated from my mind, Obi-Wan was silent for a while, lost in thought. Then he cleared his throat= and spoke quietly.

“I think you have no reason to f= eel guilty, Father. You have not let your pain cripple you. You did your duty to the Order and looked after Lianne. You did not = betray the Jedi ideals as you believe.”

“Somehow I don’t think Yoda and Mace would be of your same opinion,” I answered bitter. “I = held on my pain and regrets. I have not meditated since I was informed of your d= eath and, worst, I have been angry—angry with t= he Force.”

Obi-Wan’s pursued his lips before saying, “I think father, that you did not let= me go because, deep inside yourself, you knew I was not dead. You could no lon= ger feel the bond because the mask blocked our connection, but the bond was sti= ll there, intact. Even if unconsciously, you knew it was still there. ThatR= 17;s why you could not move on.”

I listened intently to my son’s words then nodded slowly.

Obi-Wan might be right. Maybe I could = not accept he was gone because part of me knew he was not still here. And that’s of course the reason I could not sense him in the Force. The o= nly time I felt him was when I dreamed of him…I guess it was just after he freed himself from the mask and before he tightly shielded again to avoid <= span class=3DSpellE>Ventress might sense him. That’s why I did not perceive him until he arrived at the Temple…The more I ponder this, the more I sense this is the truth.

I cannot deny a big weight has just be= en taken off my shoulders. I have come to accept my actions and the reasons be= hind them and now…now I can feel the Force call at me—and I am eager= to answer. To lose myself in it and listen to her will…the need to medit= ate is getting stronger by the moment…and I do not intend to resist it a single moment more…

Coruscant= , Jedi Temple, 13:12:9<= /b>

This morning, Ben Qui-Gon Kenobi was officially accepted to the Jedi Temple as trainee. The child’s midi-chlorian cou= nt is not as high as Obi-Wan’s, but it is above average all the same.

It has been agreed that he will live w= ith his parents but also spend some time every day with the other younglings in= the Crèche. Then, when he is old enough, he will start his basic training under Yoda and other masters’ tutelage, until the day Obi-Wan will ta= ke him as his padawan and complete his training as= my son reputes best.

I have the feeling Ben will grow up to= be a blend of Sith and = Jedi teachings, and I must say I am very pleased by this idea.=

It feels so good to think about the future, a future without a war, where the Jedi and a <= span class=3DGramE>Sith will train together what I hope will be the first of many padawans raised in this way.

This openness in the Council, this willingness to accept Obi-Wan’s child, ma= kes me hopeful that one day Anakin will be able to appear in front of the masters = and announce he is married with no fear of being expelled. Times are changing a= nd I think the Jedi will have to change with them—but not now. For the time being Anakin will have to keep his marriage a secret.

My son and my Pad= awan will have to return to the front in the immediate future but, at least, this time they will leave being at peace with each other.

Yesterday night Anakin and Obi-Wan had= a long talk. I was not present, I know for sure that Anakin apologized for ha= ving been a “despondent brat” (his words), and told my son how much = he loves him.

In turn Obi-Wan apologized for having = been to harsh in some occasions and reassured Anakin he too loves him as a broth= er. He said my Padawan that all of his reprimands a= re dictated by his affection.

Then Anakin confessed me he had burst = in tears as they embraced, and that even my stoic son’s eyes had looked suspiciously moist and too bright, even if he was sure Obi-Wan would adaman= tly deny it.

As I watched Obi-Wan and Lianne introduce little Ben around to my son’s closest friends, Knights Muhl, Eerin and Tachi – Knight T= achi’s expression when she was handled the squirming bundle was priceless – I felt my heart fill with the hope it had been missing for too long.

The war is still raging, the Dark Lords are still out there, and the prophecy of the Chosen One and his Guardian is= still looming over us, but I feel confident that the future will be bright for the Jedi and the Republic.

The war will be won. The Dark Lords wi= ll be defeated. I will grow old watching my son training his boy as Anakin will help him…until the moment he too will have his young ones to look aft= er.

This is a really priceless image, one I will hold dear in my heart until= the moment it becomes reality.

THE END

Sith= Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi

=